So, it has come to this. It's over. I can't help but think that my time in St. Catharines and going to Brock University has went by so fast.
A bit of background on why I came to St. Catharines to live for almost 4 years. There were circumstances back home that would have made my life impossible to live if I stayed home and commuted to a local university. There were people in my high school that tried to make my life a living hell, which I have long since cut from my life. Also, there were some other frightening experiences that I have gone through, that made me want to get away from everything. I made too many mistakes, I made too many enemies, and I certainly made the wrong friends in high school, and what I truly wanted was a new life.
I got that opportunity at a new life, a new me, when I accepted my offer to go to Brock University in September of 2009. For me, it was an opportunity at a fresh start, and an opportunity to forget the wrongs of my past.
When I arrived at residence for the first time, it definitely wasn't what I expected. I was never that good at making friends, and for the first few weeks, I had to repeatedly come out of my comfort zone to try to make friends. It wasn't easy, due to my social awkwardness at the time, but ultimately, it was for the best. I remember the distinct moment when I legitimately felt accepted by my new residence friends, and it came during a competition at the end of the first week of university involving all the halls from all of the residences of university, where I apparently successfully guessed the height of the CN Tower for my hall. Reading up on my random trivia in my spare time certainly paid off.
The rest of my first year went a lot easier after that. I was doing decent in school, I was firmly entrenched in a circle of friends, and I was always meeting new people. Though at times, my first year of university and living in residence felt a bit like high school, because people were still stuck in the immature high school mindset (myself included sometimes), the people in university were much easier to approach and talk to than the people at high school, which was very cliquey. The first year of university was the last time I really got to be a bit immature (it showed in some nights), and it set me for some growing up in the subsequent years of my university career.
When second year started, I made the decision to live by myself, which baffled a lot of my friends, but it was the best decision I ever made. I can't stand living with others, and I keep hearing stories about ruined friendships over roommate issues, which is something I don't want to have happen to me. Living by myself also forced me to grow up and truly fend for myself, which was something I relished, and made me learn a lot about what I wanted. There were a couple of drawbacks about living alone. One of these drawbacks trying to keep in contact with my friends, and at times, I felt like a burden to them. Relating to this, the worst part about living alone was the constant loneliness every night. Some nights, it was manageable, but other nights, it destroyed me emotionally. There were some nights that I wished that someone was around to talk to. If you are going to live alone, be prepared for the emotional pain that comes along with it, but I managed to get through it.
Second year, school-wise, was a lot tougher. I was originally accepted to Brock to do accounting, but with every day that passed, I was losing the passion to finish my accounting degree. I was struggling with classes and nearly failing them to the point where I pretty much lost it and demanded to myself that I needed to change. There was also some events that took place back home which made it unlikely that myself and my family was going to pay for my tuition for the rest of my time at university. With all that going on in my life at the time, I thought my life was finished. Second year was easily the worst time for me at university.
Third year came along, and for some reason everything started to change. I got out of accounting and looked for something within the business profession that I enjoyed, and I found it in Information Systems. With that, my grades started to improve significantly. To be honest, I don't really remember much from third year, other than trying to improve my grades and trying to keep in contact with friends.
In order to try to graduate in 4 years, I chose to take courses in the spring/summer. Coming off a generally positive third year of university, I was optimistic about this, even if it meant staying in school a couple of months and missing out on some sunny days. That spring turned out to be the spring of re-acquaintance for me, which was absolutely fantastic. That spring was also the time where I began to really delve deep into who my real friends were here at university, and who I thought were good friends but ended up being worse than I thought they were. Living in St. Catharines during that time had a major flaw, being that the vast majority of my friends went home for the spring/summer, so loneliness hit especially hard for me at that time.
Fourth year could not have been any better for me. I was taking courses which I enjoyed and was doing incredibly well in, I was doing independent research in the hopes of attaining new skills which I also enjoyed, and I was continuing to be social, which helped my general mood. With all this fun I was having these days, it's hard for me to come to grips with finally having to leave for good. I'll leave some general thoughts about this entire experience.
When I first came to university, I was young and stupid. But now I am four years older, four years wiser, and finally grown up. There is the possibility that I will end up going back home and potentially face my own demons from my past, but I think I will be able to handle it now. All I can do now is try to look forward, and try not to think about my past. I've met some great people here, probably some of the best people I have met so far in my life, and it was a welcome change from the negativity that surrounded me in my high school years. I also believe that I have gotten exactly what I wanted from this entire experience, in terms of an education, and in terms of hopefully building long lasting friendships as well. Looking back at all of this, there were some things I could have changed, but it is what it is. I am glad that I didn't have to commute from home to go to a local university, because I craved true independence, and it was what I got.
Finally, I would like to thank everyone I've ever met in my four years at university who has made a positive impact in my life, from the first weeks of residence, to the parties and bar nights, and beyond. You have truly made me feel welcome and loved, and for that, I am eternally grateful. You all were everything and more...
Until the next time we may meet, I say, goodbye, and take care of yourselves.
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